quirkiewirkies

2007-12-22T01:21:00.000+08:00

ADVERT

i've moved so if you know me and want the add,

ask

2007-11-29T03:58:00.000+08:00

life isn't all that simple.

sometimes we just don't want to be rescued...

2007-11-16T10:12:00.000+08:00

Are we human because we gaze at the stars,

or do we gaze at them because we are human?

2007-09-30T04:06:00.000+08:00

run with me

through rows of speeding cars

2007-09-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

stroll through the sky

had dinner at the esplanade last night,
and i finally have my darling soundtrack!
and had chippy's today too. double yayyers! :D
sometimes the simple things make you happy,
especially when you're with your favourite person.
and it's been a long time since i've felt this content :)

**thank youuu :))**

2007-09-07T02:19:00.000+08:00

shoot the moon

walked back in the rain just now,
made my moody streak of days better...
i think.

sigh, papers are coming up again.
somehow, i wish they weren't.
i miss sitting at the piano, my charcoal drawings and sketches...
i especially miss reading for sheer pleasure and my tennis! )):

with all this missing going on,
i miss the special people too...

2007-09-01T01:39:00.000+08:00

somewhere else

sometimes i just feel like walking on and on non-stop
until the restlessness is walked out of my system.
so i walk and walk on,
and i take the longer routes home just so there's time to think.

you keep building all sorts and dreams
before tearing them all down
hoping you build better ones.
but the newer ones are never always better.

**why did you take my crazy days for me?**

2007-08-19T01:11:00.000+08:00

go away

could you please go away
leave me alone
it's very unnerving and unsettling
GO AWAY
------------------------------------------------
EB's protective streak is acting up again
i felt like some small girl today
safe and protected from the big bad world

i wonder why i never realised how great we were
why i never realised everything was worth it
i'm glad i do now and i hope things stay good

**thank youu boy :))

2007-08-15T01:00:00.000+08:00

once again ladies and gentlemen,
i'm up late trying to rush assignments
but as usual, i'm thinking about everything
except my ki essay on the rhetorical nature of science.

i don't know why it's so difficult to settle down
seeing as there's about a week left to prelims.
i need to be strapped down to a chair and force-fed my notes!
maybe salty's right, i should just "mug lah!"

random thought of the day:
if you're walking home at one in the morning,
look up to the sky and just take in the stars and breeze.
that's beauty;
that's the feeling you get when you're content with life,
when you know there's someone worth smiling/fighting for.

stay a while, you make me smile

2007-08-10T00:38:00.000+08:00

i'm afraid because i'm not afraid
it feels as if i have 2 weeks to live
and i should be making final preparations
but at the rate i'm going,
i'll probably end up dying without knowing it.

may the good lord bless my soul...

2007-08-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

met the girls for dinner tonight :)
happy birthday wongs!
haha, love you to bits monkey.

unfortunately, this was our last meeting
until the end of A's that is.
sigh...life moves too fast.

haven't spoken to many special people recently
monsters, aliens and bears...
kinda makes life feel somewhat empty

i've made up my mind...life does get lonely without you

2007-07-31T21:42:00.001+08:00

other side of the world

recently, i took a holiday from real.
it felt queer looking at yourself from another viewpoint,
doing things from another perspective.

i was reminded life goes on,
that even down here on earth,
there are things worth smiling for...

i think i like life down here with you.

2007-07-27T00:07:00.000+08:00

the paradox of our time

we have taller buildings but shorter tempers,

we have wider freeways but narrower viewpoints,

we spend more but we have less.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;

we've added years to life, not life to years.

-adapted from Dr Bob Moorehead-

we usually take things for granted

intentionally or unintentionally.

so although it's a stressful and crappy phase,

i wanna say a special thank you to EB

thank you for being there for me especially these past 2 weeks,

looking after me more than usual and always trying to cheer me up.

i'm just glad you're there for me,

anytime and anywhere :)

2007-07-17T00:31:00.000+08:00

white stripes and red lights

there comes a point in time where you feel
sad, lost, hurt, lonely, angry all rolled into one.
you feel like an alien on planet loser.
that's what it really feels like right now.

apologies
i'm sorry to every single person i've un/wittingly snapped at,
i'm just extremely stressed out right now.
i'm sorry turtle boy cos you're stressed out too and i shouldn't have done that.
i'm sorry ming monster for snapping at you though you're always trying to cheer me up.
i'm sorry to the fellow "lightly-salted" one for emo-ing when you were emo-ing too.
i'm sorry ann, brenat, poon, jeanette, teddy bear, EB and all those i was a bitch to.

through these crazy times,
i'm gonna cruise the streets in my getaway car.
just me, forgetting everything

2007-07-11T22:10:00.000+08:00

till it happens to you

it's been a rough week,
today more so than ever.
i'm sorry to all those i snapped at,
but i'm going to lie low for a while...

one day, if you call me and no longer find me,
maybe i'm on a holiday away from reality

2007-07-06T20:50:00.000+08:00

rum and raisin

indonesian food, haata & borders :)
borders has the funniest stuff!
especially quirkology and books by barbara & allan pease
to all the girls out there,
next time he doesn't laugh at your joke, it's not you.
according to quirkology, 71% of women find jokes told by men funny while only 39% of men find jokes funny when told by a woman.
talk about weirdo :\

2007-07-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

i wanna sit in a giant teacup and spin
round and round and round
non-stop till i hurl or pass out.

i want the big yawning chasm in my head to stop growing.
i want to be swallowed up by the feeling of sheer happiness.
i want all this rubbish to stop...

maybe i want you to come back...

2007-07-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

hey you...

been feeling oddly lost today.
for once, i want to be left alone
and yet, something in me tells me that's not true.

something's missing
and i don't know how to fix it.
something's missing
and i don't know what it is.

2007-07-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

lonely planet

i want to travel the world
climb the eiffel tower, laze in the carribean,
shop in milan, ski in the alps...

i'll go to china and save the pandas,
to the amazon to rescue butterflies and bugs,
to australia to help rehabilitate bush babies,
i'll save them all.

i want to travel round the world
i want to leave my footprints in the sand
i'm gonna do it so watch me world

2007-06-30T00:13:00.000+08:00

carousels and ferris wheels

met twins&wongs for lunch
food, laughs, baos and lots of window shopping!
and i bumped into manda!
it's been loads since i've seen her and gosh, miss her to bits.
harry potty date with the gang yayy :)
gloria jean's with mins
lots of laughs and catching up on "news" haha
i'll sure miss her when she flies off...

i'm glad to say colour still exists in life;
i guess it belongs to those those you love,
and those who love you.

p.s: (contrary to what you think) shan, i'm not angry with you.
p.p.s: idiooot, i (kinda) miss you too

2007-06-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

humans are weird creatures.
we always need to see a coloured picture in front of us.
life is always horribly black and dull or wonderfully rainbow-coloured.

i know i'm guilty.
sometimes it just seems difficult to accept "okay"
after going through so much.

maybe i should learn to accept life for what it really is;
the boring and mundane,
the routine and habitual.

URGH.

2007-06-27T20:30:00.000+08:00

2 weeks notice

i'm baack!
it's been some week
this is gonna be yet another.

so the mids are over
but that just means more work to come
and i'm gonna do it right.

roms coms and friends for now
tomorrow onwards, hello steinbeck.
till then, take care.

*there are idiots and there are idiots.

2007-06-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

would you please

let me slide a few words

under your door

i don't believe in miracles

not like i did before

2007-06-16T00:34:00.000+08:00

social casualties

one more week.
you know what i'm talking about.
i'm totally unprepared
so God help me when the time comes.

on another note...
these past few days,
i've been thinking about stuff.
maybe i should put it aside.

i'm playing chess with the salt shakers

2007-06-13T20:31:00.000+08:00

meet me in outerspace

we could spend the night, watch the earth come up

maybe i've grown tired of that place

2007-06-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

long walks, star-watching, good company, good food, people who make me laugh when i'm sad/angry/tired/emo/bitchy etc...all these make a bad day worth it.

awesome!
henin won her match! (yayy)
miss giam had her wedding at the ritz :)
looonngg walk with poon with our chicken rice craving fulfilled!
lots of laughs over the weekend...
and many many more.

the funny thing about life:
when you're really down and angry(at yourself or someone)
somehow, someone catches you and makes you laugh your troubles away.
that's the best part of life
just you wait and see :)
so, thank you stupid idiot(yes, you are one)
and poon, here's to us getting lost again and laughing ourselves silly!

p.s: i smelt freshly cut grass and rain today :))

2007-06-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

little miss grumpy

i love tennis
i love training
i love the game BIG time.
but my skills today were like
ppffffffftttttt.
aaarrgghhhhh

*please win tomorrow! that's the only thing i'm looking forward to now :((

2007-06-07T23:01:00.000+08:00

walking through the streets of town

i've had a rather irritating day,
ggrrrrr.
but wongs and i walked walked and talked it all off.
one and a half hours from one fullerton to wisma,
relieved some stress and tension.
then there was the weird german guy (haha)
wongs and i tried to run away from him.
rrraaahhhh.
i'm still highly irritable now.

p.s: i've set my heart on going to giraffe:bar and grill opposite the istana once i have the $$. any takers? it's a gorgeous place!

2007-06-04T23:05:00.000+08:00

goodnight fireflies

the weekend was the best yet starting friday night :)
loooonnngg talk with turtle who made me an unemo princess
stayover saturday night with a movie marathon!
biking, swimming, tanning and tennis(my absolute love) after!
haha, i really enjoyed myself!

on a more serious note:
talking to turtle and brenat plus being away from the work and stress,
i'm happy to say, my thoughts pretty much cleared up.
i've realised that being sad and emo is pretty much giving up;
it's being happy in the hardest of times that shows your true strength.
i'm not saying that we should pretend to be happy when we're not,
just find something, anything to be happy about when you're down.
when you really can't find anything to be happy about,
that's when you're allowed to be emo.
but just for a while.

*i'm going to really forgive the monster this time. i've been a mean b**** and it's time to move on. so if you see me smiling, you'll know i did it :)

2007-05-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

upside down

pirates was awesome,
all that sun, sand, sea and pirate talk...
makes me wanna just run off to the carribean
and stay there forever.
(and the star scene was swoon-worthy!-my crazy fascination with stars is back!)

after that it was good food and shopping!
yayyness.
once again, the scales are tipped:
good mood: 2
lousy day: 0

sloth, whatever you do don't give up okay? don't let this one turn out like us. once is enough-keep holding on to her :(

2007-05-28T20:41:00.000+08:00

a hundred little houses

right now, i'm a happy girl :)
i'll be happier if my work's done by tonight.
sloth boy and the girl stopped fighting!
yayy.

good deed: 1
lousy day: 0

2007-05-27T23:10:00.000+08:00

daphne loves derby

8 hours later, i'm still at the intro.
so much for a productive work day.
i need more time!
to meet up with friends, watch movies, study and finish up my work!
pooof.

it's been a while but today i sorta caught up with the stupid monster under my bed.
sometimes, he pisses me off so bad but most of the time, he makes up for it with lousy crappy comments and being a retard.
haha...it's definitely been a while.
thank you :)

*sometimes, i don't feel like doing anything. i just wanna sit under the stars and count them till i fall asleep with the april breeze on my face.

2007-05-26T15:52:00.000+08:00

i love the smell of rain :)

it's raining now.
i love rainy days and the smell and feel of rain.
when it's raining, you're either really sad and feel like crying in the rain,
or you just wanna let it soak right into your skin.
*contented sigh*

i've just finished 3 episodes each of HOUSE and FRIENDS :D
tried to pick up some tips from FRIENDS on how to solve a love problem between two best friends (yeah right).
the sloth and his girl are still fighting which makes it uncomfortable and unbelievable.
sigh, ideas anyone?

then again, maybe the both of them are suffering from neurological problems.
just watched an episode of HOUSE where this guy suffered massive heart attacks when the love of his life was around.
so maybe (just maybe) they're both are fighting to show their love?
WTH O_O
i just hope this passes soon.
it's plaguing Brenat and me :\

if all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops oh what a rain that would be...

2007-05-23T22:37:00.000+08:00

geek speak

last night's mood just carried on and as i did more math, my temper grew shorter.
until finally, i snapped.
not that badly but i couldn't even integrate a simple sum.
blank.

it was just queer hearing numbers fly across the tables.

thank god for good company.
food and laughs, ice-cream and more laughs.
it helped make a bad day, better.

thanks Poon & Co. :))

2007-05-23T00:09:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i hate keeping secrets.
but it helps to know you're making someone happier by doing something you don't like.
but i hate keeping my own secrets.
sometimes.

the sloth is fighting with his girl;
somehow, i feel responsible for making sure they're both okay...
sometimes i wish i could just forget about caring :(
(just like us)

lousy, incoherent, stupid day.
my mind is like a swirl of ants dancing on a hot brick wall.
everywhere.

lousy, stupid...rrraaaawwwwrrrrr

2007-05-20T00:01:00.001+08:00

fire escape symphony

somehow, i feel like i'm stuck in the middle of a film.
black and white movie.
eyes are on me, yet everyone sees through me.
oblivion.

2007-05-17T00:19:00.000+08:00

of turtles and sloths

life isn't all that bad;
God didn't offer me a bag of mixed jellybeans, just so i could pick out the lime flavoured ones.
you're meant to try them all,
each and everyone.

2007-05-14T20:48:00.000+08:00

rain on the roof

what's difficult isn't moving on.
it's going back to yesterday,
reliving those disappointments.

*happy birthday turtle :)

2007-05-12T01:09:00.000+08:00

tonight was the absolute love.

thank you t3 for the wonderful memories practising the 7 hr script and for all the funny yet unforgettable moments. :) kudos to t11 too, i really enjoyed the video and prof pixelito ;)

special thanks to:
the very "pneumatic" bimbo(mandi), the lost othello, commander, a passionate yet shy savage(xavier), my psyche and double (queen ann/elizabeth :)) and the mini fahy-like mond(sam) :)) *big hug* thanks guys.

thanks to all those who helped out one way or another; today's been a blast.

i'm moving on to yesterday where maybe you and i had a chance...

2007-05-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

3 strikes, you're out.

*don't even bother explaining yourself. like i said, don't let me give up on you; once i do, there's no turning back. i've gone too far to turn back now.

2007-05-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

sweetest downfall.

i almost forgot why i enjoyed your company so much,
but you reminded me.
i almost forgot what the stars looked like,
but you showed me.
i almost forgot what happened...

just almost.

2007-05-04T20:49:00.000+08:00

recommendation of the week

a long way down by nick hornby is absolutely wicked. not because the language is atwood crafty or the ideas are huxley worthy but because it's just so human. it's as human as human gets. i admit, it's not the most cheerful novel in the world but it taught me something. it taught me that when you feel screwed up and it seems as if living is a waste of time, there are others losers out there who deserve to feel that more than you do. so, read it. you'll be surprised...

Seems I’m not alone at being alone, a hundred billion castaways all looking for a home

2007-04-30T20:11:00.000+08:00

a little porcutle tried talking some sense into me into the wee small hours of the morning and i'm glad he did because it made me feel a lot better. it also made me feel a lot safer. :)
dear porcutle, i hope it all works out for you :)

an emo-bimbo mummy cow walked all over bugis with me and offered to cheer me up with lame jokes and allowed me to "bully" her into going to my dessert place even though it meant dragging her lazy self across a few more roads and escalators.
emobo says: my boyfriend will be so hot, he'll be fined for global warming.
hahaha, we'll go to france for a shopping spree! :D

someone else tried to cheer me up, but he kinda failed seeing as how he was so preoccupied.
hmmm, i don't know what to say to you but...thanks? sometimes, it just gets too fake. i wonder why i bother trying...

2007-04-29T23:33:00.000+08:00

in between days

today's been a pretty interesting day.
i enjoyed waking up late and pigging out oh and last night, i got my audrey hepburn bag as well as some quality time with my favourite girl over rum and raisin.

thanks bimbo, for trying to cheer me up.

the day started out okay except for an idiot but i'm over it. and i met a friend after a long long time and i must admit catching up with him made me wonder where all our good days disappeared to...i miss being carefree and non-emo, i miss laughing at harmless jibes and not being bitchy...
dinner with the family and ben&jerry's to end the day :)

there were so many signs today, telling me to forgive myself and move on...all those signs just pointed to us. it's been hard for me to pretend everything's alright, i don't know how you manage it. i guess i'm no superman.

2007-04-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

Fading everything to black and blue.
You look a lot like you.
Shatter in the blink of an eye.
You keep sailing right on through.

You've been waiting a long time.
To fall down on your knees.
Cut your hands,
Cut yourself until you bleed.

2007-04-27T23:38:00.000+08:00

life's highway.

time waits for no one, even if you're on the mend. i'm tired of failing to cross it. the point is i'm trying, not waiting for the light that'll never change. but sometimes, the world just wants to screw you over. no particular reason, life just isn't fair. "maybe i've been the problem, maybe i'm the one to blame. even when i turn my pride off the outcome's still the same."

lights flicker in the distance, a blur between space and time.

2007-04-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

right now, i just want to walk in the rain

dreams for sale, nothing's real

2007-04-23T19:00:00.000+08:00

coffeeblack and eggwhite

i've been reading yesterday's news for the past 6 months.

2007-04-21T00:56:00.000+08:00

two thursdays ago

I saw you at the door
we walked right through.
to the other side, there was nothing
except

us, it's such an exclusive word.
two letters, two people.
"dear you", I’d say
but who'd listen

to me, two thursdays seems too many;
too many days and hours in between,
spent ignoring each other,
spent picking up

pieces of paper,
shards of my heart.
there’s not much left anymore,
just

me

2007-04-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

outside.

sunlight never made me smile,
raindrops never made me cry;
thorns never hurt me much,
petals had a forgettable touch.

outside, with the stars to accompany me till daylight

2007-04-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i wish i could just fly off into the sunset.

no worries, no hurts...just bliss.

twenty-four oceans.

one journey.

2007-04-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

i hate saying goodbye.

the irony of life,
you don't realise how much you mean to someone,
nor do you realise how much they mean to you,
until it's time to say goodbye.

i'm not good with goodbyes.
i don't like them.
i know it's useless to hang on,
but you can't help feeling a sense of loss.

bye bye, we'll all miss you. take care and keep in touch :(

2007-04-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

another square room

so far, the week's been pretty okay.
i'm hanging in there and feeling pretty in-between.
i think i've learnt something about myself.

i've become more carefree.
which can be both a good and bad thing.
i seem to worry less about the trivial,
but i worry less about the important too.

aye...
but for now, i think i'll enjoy this feeling
feeling free of a burden from before.
i'll keep living life with a smile,
until it's too much to bear.

today's been a good day eh? hope you felt happy, everyone deserves to smile once in a while...even you. congrats and love *hugs*

2007-04-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

MOO!
i'm almost the happiest cow alive.

to my lunching companions:
i absolutely love you guys! i had the absolute greatest time and you were soo sweet, each and everyone of you :)) thank you so much for everything, i really enjoyed myself. honest. it's been a long time since i've been this happy. heh. :D

to my shopping cow:
i finally got my peep toe shoes! yay! thank you for walking everywhere with me even though your feet were killing you and for all the shoe-trying, bag-searching, dress-looking and all the random rubbish i wanted to do. it's been a while since i did real shopping. next round, we're getting the dress and heels and bag! heh. take care of shampoo! :)

this week, my stay happy scheme's been rather successful. i'm going to keep trying to stay happy and keep an open mind, even if you-know-who makes me sad. i love my girlies and my bobo and my monster and everyone who makes me happy. :)) have a great week ahead!

guess what? miracles do happen :)

2007-04-04T20:11:00.000+08:00

it's been another pretty awesome day.

this week so far has really been something;
been taking it easy and not thinking so much
(probably explains why my lit teacher is mad at me heh)
but yes, this week's made me feel good.

thank you to all the wonderful people who made me feel special and like a princess today, even if it meant embarrassing me haha.
i love you, each and every one of you.
i don't really think i could or should ask for more this week-
good food, great company and lots of love, much more to come in fact.

what more could i ask for? :)

today was kinda awkward...but it sorta worked out in the end. maybe i shouldn't expect too much yet, just take it as it comes. thank you though, made me happier than i already was :)

2007-04-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

i can't stop smiling :))

okay, today's been a pretty awesome day.
i finally met my tallie wallie ollie!
she's still as tall and pretty as ever! heh.

and i ate awfullychocolate cake!
and good yummy food!
and i got awesome stuff!

LET'S BE HAPPY PEOPLE THIS WEEK :)

then again, i can't forget what happened. but i'll put a smile on my face and walk through the gloomy streets. hopefully, i'll be able to put the smile back on your face once more-somehow, we'll get through this. please?

2007-03-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry for being a bitch
i'm sorry for doubting you
i'm sorry for hurting you

i'm really so sorry for everything. :(

and i'm caught in a moment where pain and remorse just can't seem to compromise...

2007-03-19T00:11:00.000+08:00

everyone's afraid of something:

the dark, spiders, small spaces;
death, getting fat, being alone...
things.

but we have to face these fears one day,
all by ourselves.

i'm here to listen and to be there for you.
but be brave and strong,
we all have what it takes to defeat our inner demons.

will you let me go?

2007-03-16T01:18:00.000+08:00

JAZZOLOGY

it's the music that keeps your soul burning,

your passion simmering,

your heart thumping.

mosaic: turns me on

oh gosh, jazz really just inspires me

the chromatics, the chill pills

bop doo bop dee baby

here's one for you, mario serio

*wish you were here...

2007-03-14T00:33:00.000+08:00

they are my heroes,

they are the reason i have the passion to play.

feel the sweat, the swish, the satisfaction.

tennis, the game invented for the good of mankind.

2007-03-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

i'm sad to announce to the whole world, that my shopping prowess has disappeared.
(shocked gasps)
nonetheless, i had fun trying on shoes non-stop and finally buying my
jesus sandals.

we'll paint the town with our smiles and sprinkle stardust through the streets.

i love you emo-bo! we should never stop shopping! :))

2007-03-07T19:40:00.000+08:00

sail away...

there are so many things i'm waiting to say,
i just don't know when, how and where to tell you.
it may seem very easy to say,
"let's move on, forget what needs to be forgotten."
but is it really that easy?

my friends are right,
i need to forget.
i'm trying to but...
the more you try to forget, the more you remember.

almost everyday, you come up with little surprises for me.
funny how all this seemed to be the reverse last year.

we're already a quarter-way through the year,
how's it going to turn out?
hopefully better than the last,
for both our sakes.

*hug* thank you, for always letting me know you're there for me. i'm sorry if i don't show my appreciation all the time but do know that i'm glad i'm still somebody to you, even if it doesn't seem like that anymore

2007-03-03T01:08:00.000+08:00

thank you, poon! :))

starbucks, an emo kid and my favourite place.

2007-03-02T01:51:00.000+08:00

suddenly, i miss my ij days a lot.
seeing the council photos this year,
i realise i took my ij days for granted.

suddenly, i'm feeling extremely insecure.

i realise i miss talking to friends,
i miss every single one of them.
i miss you too.

do you know what it feels like right now?
you've opened a window for me,
only to build a new wall in front of it.

you've been my angel and my devil,
my favourite and my enemy.
i wish you'd just stayed a friend

2007-03-02T01:46:00.000+08:00

beautiful letdown

life's a game that leaves you dragging your heart and head in the mud.
don't look up,
it's nothing worth looking at
-i'm that beautiful disgrace.

we're outside in the middle of the night...

2007-02-25T20:51:00.000+08:00

pulling through.

last night, was a bad night.
tonight, i've sorted it out.
i'll take my time and make the world work my way.
goodbye messy days.

2007-02-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

CTs next week!
-end of the world.

i don't know what i'm doing anymore!
too many things, too little time.
you're right, there simply isn't enough time anymore.
:\

somehow, we're each letting go a little part of us.
doesn't matter if you or i want to,
it's just happening.
where do we go from here?

2007-02-18T00:59:00.000+08:00

Even so...

so, it's one in the morning and you've just watched two rom coms.
something's gotta give is awesome (jack nicholson is totally coolios).
yet, you know something's wrong when you don't feel the fuzzy warm feeling after watching a great rom com.
was there something wrong with diane keaton's acting or some flaw in the intriguing plot?
nope.

it was you.

we may have talked things out,
but somehow there's something more that hasn't been said.
i have a feeling we're both holding out till the feeling fades or one of us says something.
it always happens.

even when you said 'forever',
even when you told me it'd all be alright,
even when we thought we were holding each other's hands,
even so, we were slow dancin in a burning room...

2007-02-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

i'm giving up and letting go,
when i leave,
you won't even know.

you ask me if i'm down, yes i am.
i want to hide in that corner,
and cry on your shoulder again.

2007-02-10T20:32:00.000+08:00

oh yes, i almost forgot.
some people didn't like my not-so-happy entries.
so...just this once, i'll do a happy-me.

hello all you darlings.
thank you for being with me through all my down moments.
i love you, as much as i love postcards :)

2007-02-10T20:30:00.001+08:00

it doesn't matter how hard you wish,
if you're not meant to get it,
you won't.

time, space, memories...

too much time isn't good,
not for someone who doesn't wanna think.
what if you have no time on your hands,
yet the mind doesn't stop churning thoughts?

it doesn't matter how much you want it,
if you're not meant to get it,
you won't.

2007-02-05T20:25:00.000+08:00

watch the sunrise, say your goodbyes...

secrets.
everyone has them.
do you?

i have secrets...
both you and i have secrets,
how much do we dare to reveal?

secrets are the key to my soul,
they are what binds us.
they keep me safe in a crazy world.

my secrets are for me to keep,
for you to find out,
for us to hold on to.

2007-02-04T21:43:00.000+08:00

I remember...

the times we've spent together, when i was sad and when you made me happy.
the times we fought, that really made me upset.
those messages that'd bring a smile to my face,
as well as those messages that hurt me.
the things that you like,
the things you hate too.

But most of all, I remember how you've remembered me through your busiest days and helped me through everything.

Thank you, you mean a lot to me too :)

2007-02-03T00:25:00.000+08:00

i miss you.

i thought things would be better now
they are in a way
but i still feel sad and lost...

i feel alone in a crowd
that crowd.

sleepless nights and cloudy skies.
even the stars don't wish me goodnight anymore.
but you do.

why do i still feel...
sad
lost
happy
content

i miss you...more so now than ever

2007-02-01T01:19:00.000+08:00

i'm too tired to be upset.
physically and therefore emotionally.
one day i'll run away.
just you wait and see.

on another note,
things have been much much better
cept for all the work that never stops coming in.
i'll prob die soon.

but things have been better.
and i feel a whole lot happier,
just sleepier.
honest.

thank you, *big hug* :)

2007-01-29T19:22:00.000+08:00

she's going to crash and burn,
right before your very eyes.

she knows she's falling so fast and hard
but she can't pull the brakes.
it's that illogical attraction to death.

baby, don't stop.

2007-01-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

in between dreams

people are such weird creatures.
you don't realise how much you miss someone
until you realise it feels better when you're together.

what would it feel like,
to pretend there's no world outside?
just sitting there...

2007-01-23T00:50:00.000+08:00

up till now, things seemed fine.
okay, maybe they weren't but
i did act as if it was okay.
no one noticed anything was wrong.
right?

life is a big lie.
we work like robots
but get nowhere.
we're the means to an end,
no tomorrows.

if i break down and cry...

time and space are good for a messed up soul.
but too much is just a yawning chasm,
sucking you into the pits of sadness.
what you need is an angel at that point.
but my angel's dead.

*what am i waiting for? everything's gone.

2007-01-21T23:41:00.000+08:00

the past week has been one heck of a downhill rollercoaster ride.
to all those who've asked me to smile and left little messages here and there, thanks.
honestly, i don't want you guys to think that i'm suicidal or something
cos i'm not.

it's just a rough time for me.
thanks for all the concern but i'll be fine...
soon.
i hope.

in the meantime,
life moves on.
work work work.

i dare you not to think of him, of those silent tears and unsaid goodbyes.

2007-01-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

the problem with people is we don't say what we mean.
we keep it in or we share it with a few people who have the same problem.
they keep it in too.

people are made up of emotions, thoughts and little else.
sometimes i really wonder, what it is that goes through our heads.
will the world be a better place if we all reveal our feelings?

if i kiss and tell, will everything really be alright?
or will i still have to close my eyes and wish everything was fine?
what's there to say anyway?

it's a difficult thing, yet it's so simplistically easy.

have you ever felt so lost you wanted to break down and cry?

2007-01-18T00:25:00.000+08:00

i don't know what's wrong and it's killing me inside.
sometimes i really just wanna shout: i hate you!
then something inside stops me and i feel so helpless thereafter.

the late nights are messing with my mind.
it's messing with yours too.

i'm tired, upset, lost...
everything wrong and nothing right.

i hate you...i think

2007-01-16T00:07:00.000+08:00

it's tiring to keep hanging on and not knowing when to let go. it's tiring to keep saying you're okay when you're not because it just goes to show that there are people around you you just can't trust anymore. it's tiring to keep waiting on the world to change...

thank you for all the smiles and msgs sent guys. i know, right now i'm not exactly in the best of moods but bear a little kay? right now, work is going to be my sole preoccupation so that it'll block out all other thoughts alright?

2007-01-13T23:33:00.000+08:00

it's been 2 weeks and i'm still alive...barely maybe. it's been tiring but i've been trying to psycho myself with work work and more work so that i'll be too tired to think of other things. it must be working cos the hurt's been numbed...i've made mistakes in the last year and i don't intend to repeat them. sigh, the stress getting's to me but i'm glad it's blocking out my thoughts about other things.

internal contradictions

2007-01-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

i don't know what i'm doing, i don't know why i'm doing all this and i have no idea what i want to do with myself. i'm just tired, tired, tired...i feel so lost too!!! i don't even know why i'm so tired.
i'm going nuts.

nucking futs.

2007-01-09T21:52:00.000+08:00

it's funny how your perspectives of people can change so fast. maybe previously you'd thought the world of them, maybe at that point of time nothing could have torn you away from them. suddenly, you realise perhaps it was just a delusion you were living in and forcing yourself to...

it's been a real long time since we talked and related to one another and with all the rubbish happening in the past year, it killed our friendship. but couldn't you even keep one promise?

then of course, there are the people whom you thought you'd like to stay forever and ever with and up till today...you still do. it gives you that warm fuzzy feeling of being safe in this world full of monsters called hurt, disappointments, stress...they're just your "feel-good" pill to surviving in this crazy world.

you have been an absolutely amazing dear to me. or all the things that you've done or even wanted to, thank you. i'm glad to know we're still in this together. :) love

2007-01-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

i'm in a good mood today :) thank god it's a good day :)))

yay, i can't believe we finally talked again after all this while...even if it was for a while. you made me smile :)

2007-01-07T22:55:00.001+08:00

tomorrow had better be a better day than this or else, i swear i'll blow

2007-01-06T23:16:00.000+08:00

it's a sad sad day...and i'm feeling bad bad bad.
i think i'm going mad mad mad...
:(

2007-01-03T16:03:00.000+08:00

well, the news is out. i'm sorry for not saying anything earlier but each and every one of you matter a lot to me. thank you for all the memories and i hope we still remain friends. i'll never ever forget you guys cos you mean the world to me!

i love you.

cheers,
marianne

2007-01-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHAN :)

..and happy new year all!

smile and the world smiles with you.

2007-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

coffee and fireworks...

that's a wish which 2006 will not see being granted.
hello 2007, hopefully you're a better year.
but don't cry 2006, you've brought so many memories to me...
ones that i'll never exchange for anything in the world.

happy new year

2006-12-30T10:10:00.000+08:00

i have a big big, sort of goodbye wish for the people in t11 and possibly even others

will someone accompany me to watch fireworks on new year's eve, please?

*but i'd like to count the stars with you too.

2006-12-30T00:09:00.000+08:00

tonight, even the stars can't make me smile.

2006-12-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

I have a deep really queer fascination with stars...maybe it's just me but don't you find that everytime you look at the stars, it's as if you're transported to another dimension. When my mind's up there with the stars, all my hurts and troubles disappear and if i'm happy and looking at the stars, they make me all the more happier!

Maybe it's because when you look at the stars, the endless space and sky behind it give you the sense that you're safe in this crazy world because when all those tiny sparks of light come together, you feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

Each and every star matters to me so even if it's a cloudy night and you spy only a few stars, i'll still be out there...watching and running off in my own little world.

I know christmas is over but it doesn't matter if it's a late gift or next year's gift even. I would really really like...a star. Something so close to the real thing, it'd make me happy every time i look at it. please?

2006-12-25T09:54:00.000+08:00

merry christmas folks.

2006-12-24T16:37:00.000+08:00

Thank you for meaning so much to me. at times, even i can't admit to myself how much the relationship means to me. can i live without it? i'm not sure i can. you've been my driving force and the "push" factor for lots of things; you've been with me through my ups and downs, especially my downs. it takes a lot to be there all the time but you've never failed to try. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

you don't know how much you mean to me. thank you boy, for always being there for me, even up till now when i doubt you and you know it but continue to try in your own little way. we can't predict the future nor can we say for certain what won't happen. so, let me take the chance to say:

ilu.

i wish you summer sunbeams and spring time showers.
i wish you the first snowflakes of winter, the last leaf of fall.
i wish you well.

2006-12-24T16:01:00.000+08:00

disappointments can hurt us very badly in life, especially if we're not careful with how we deal with them. string after string of them are heading my way...why can't things just go my way this christmas! hmph.

okay, that was such a kiddified moment. i shall grow up and be more reasonable.

fine, things didn't really go the way i wanted them to but i realised i have a lot to be thankful for. i have my wonderful dear darling friends, my attention-grabbing family, (i can't believe i'm saying this but) studies to look forward to. this season, the perfect gift for me is to give up my comforts and luxuries.

after all the disappointments, i realised how blessed i was. i've got presents even if i don't have the party, i've got dear(s) to relate to even if i can't see them everyday, i've got a family who cares for me so much they'd do everything possible to make me happy...sigh, how can i not be grateful for all these???

is it true that when you love someone, you sometimes push them away?

2006-12-23T15:33:00.000+08:00

more, more, more i want more, more, more i want more!!!

haha...that's the theme song for kuching mission trip 2006. i didn't think i'd miss the people so much. it's been really fun guys. the brick-laying and carrying, the signing of the bricks, the kampung and motorbike rides with river baths...oh gosh, i actually miss sexy, beautiful, nenek...btw, if u read this: sexy, u are such a stalker!

this trip has taught me stuff and given me more than i bargained for. somehow, everything that happened on the trip had some deep symbolic meaning behind it. the shooting star i saw the 1st night? that meant so much to me. i was actually feeling so so low that night but that little burst of hope told me that the trip was a new beginning. the message hidden in the 5th station taught me to face my fear too. Let go and let God. everything just fell into place i guess...

this trip just meant a whole lot to me, even if the old gang weren't all there and the feeling wasn't the same. the last trip was about bonding and comaraderie. this time, i managed to sneak away and find some me time, time to connect and talk to the big guy up there waving the lights for me.

something else amazing that's in store for everyone is the gift of friendship. yesterday, i had an amazing time shopping with my best shopping girlfriend yesterday. i know, i've been a doofus head for not being truthful with you and not dishing out all the lowdown in my life. i'm really sorry for that and i'm glad we made up. i heart you many many! and yes, i'll tell you when the time's right okay? thank you for always being there and for wanting to make this friendship work. here's to more shopping darling! can't wait for the next shopping marathon! lol

okay, enough yakking for the day. just trying to get the crummy feeling out my system.
in case i don't blog yet, merry christmas everyone. may you feel the peace and joy of the season and make the world a better place by smiling. here's to one and all: HUGS!~

2006-12-20T18:45:00.000+08:00

Alrighty. I just got back from my mission trip and I must say, as always, it's been a totally wonderful experience and it's fond memories. But something's not quite right. somehow the old gang feels so much better. Hmmm. While i was overseas, the stream of bad news just couldn't stop coming in. aww, someone spare me and give me a break pls! I just flew in but here i am checking emails and settling some business. This is the ultimate man. It's back to life without breathing again.
I'd wanted to stay there and never ever come back. Live in the kampung with all the wonderfully kind and generous people, ride motorbikes, swim in the river and pluck fruits straight off the tree...sigh, i'll miss the life. Going for the trip, i re-found some of my friends again. it's funny how you never realise how much someone means to you. Cheers to the old gang: Lester, Nic, Chris, Gene, Val and Greg. It wouldn't have been meaningful if you guys weren't around. It was a great homecoming for us. Maybe next year we'll meet up again and make our way home back to Mt Singai and Kpgs Gayu & Benuk. I'm missing it already...

i never stopped missing you

2006-12-11T14:34:00.000+08:00

right now, i feel like a big huge puddle of goo. the kind which you see in cartoons where only the eyes a left in a big mess of who-knows-what. in that mess, you see bits of broken heart, fragments of unfulfilled dreams, a dash of regret here and there but worst of all, it's a veil of sadness lying over it-sadness and hurt, uncertainty and weariness.

i'm tired and sad, i'm scarily plonking back into an emo mood. i'm leaving (again) and this time, i'm not really all that thrilled. in fact, i'm stressed down to my toenails. hooboy, i need some happy pills. got some to spare?

it's a long long journey and i don't know if i'll still believe...

p.s: thank you wongs for believing in me through all this mess. i don't know if i want to continue believing though...sometimes i'm just so tired.
p.p.s: monster, you've always tried to make me smile. thank you-hugs-