picture postcards
Thursday, November 30, 2006
"just because someone doesn't love them the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have..."this has been going through my mind a gazillion times since i last read it which technically, would mean that for the past 72 hours, almost every alternate minute has been spent thinking about it. it's that serious. this time, there's been a change in the way the game's being played. while you used to serve aces, this time someone actually hit a return and the score is no longer one-love, it's one-all. scary.to all my friends out there, apologies in advance if i offend you but really, i never thought anyone could return my love the way i wanted them to. maybe it's because i don't trust enough, maybe it's because i judge others before i let them show their true worth...maybe anything. i mean sure you show care and concern but do you reciprocate the concern that i show or do you feel that i reciprocate the concern you show? i bet you've doubted me many times too. hey, that's fair. i've been a biatch and i admit it. sorry though.the one person who's made me feel on top of the world at times only to pull me down to the depths of hell all in one minute, actually tried to show love. that's just weird cos i never ever felt any of it. then i find out, we're both playing the same role. wow...talk about complicated.that's when it struck me that hey, all this while if he's loved you the best he could and you've done your best too but you both didn't know it, what about the millions out there? i feel awful, bad...yet strangely gratified that i'm not the only one suffering. yikes. i don't know where this rollercoaster is taking me to but it's been an awful long and bumpy ride. so often i've felt like jumping off, even if it meant that i'd died in the process but those moments of adrenaline rushes, they make you feel like you've got something more to look forward to. should i stay or should i leave? can i bear to leave? can you bear to see me leave? "there are 2 doors, one's open and the other is closed. but most of the time, we choose to stare at the closed door." what if both doors are closed? you knowthat one is open but no matter how you try to look at it, there's a veil blocking it so all you see is its silhouette...when i want to leave, you cry and my heart aches. i can't bear to follow through it anymore. but when i want to leave, you watch and don't say a word...where's this all going?
