picture postcards
Sunday, September 17, 2006
*The purpose of this post is for me to let out ALL my frustrations and randon thoughts and whatever there's left of me.I HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT.-every time you try to prove me wrong, I end up psyching myself up and saying: no, this time I will triumph. Then whatever you say comes true. I hate you. I feel so twisted and confused inside. I feel inadequate-as if life is a game I can't handle. But I'm trying so hard! Sometimes I need a little reassurance ok! Do you think you can spare that? You tell everyone not to worry and you tell me I'll fail. Thanks, you are such a good friend! *pls note sarcasm. it's so heavily dripping with it my computer's going to crash. FRIENDS/GOOD FRIENDS.-What's the difference? You don't treat me like either but call me the latter. I don't understand! This is so not the time to be playing mind games ok? just spit it out already. I hate it when people don't tell me directly and wait for some miracle to happen. You've gotta move before the Big guy can groove ok? You are driving me C-R-A-Z-YCRAZY.-That's what my world is becoming. My home has become a hotel, my friends are missing from the face of this planet and I don't know what happened to my head. It keeps giving me weird thoughts like: there's no one left to keep me safe in a crazy world; I'm so tired if trying already but the irony of it is that I haven't actually been trying-or at least I don't feel like I have been.I don't feel anything anymore. HAPPY THOUGHTS DISAPPEARED WITH PLUTO.-Everyone says it's the stress but I highly doubt it, it's just me. I feel like I've lost part of my soul, my personality. It's just like how Pluto is suddenly no longer a planet; it just 'poof' disappeared. I wasn't ever like this up till this year. My moods have been taking joy rides on the swings and I can tell I've either irritated some people with it or simply created greater distances between them and myself. This sucks. I'm really very upset now :(((EEYORE.-It's my favourite Winnie the Pooh character. I know, I'm a sucker for soft toys but have you ever wondered if it's because I can't really get my hugs that I need? These cotton stuffed friends are my source of hugs; that's just pathetic. I used to be the one giving hugs all the time, now it's weird if I myself receive one. It hurts. I'm the no-nonsense mummy who nags and is perpetually grumpy--that's what you think. I can be someone else too-I AM someone else. I hate myself.EMO BLOG ENTRIES.-I know, this is far too emo and whiny and self-pitying...WHATEVER. I've already forewarned that this was to be an entirely un-meish post. You want a happy blog or a stupid blog or an amusing blog? Go get your own. Rahhh...I'm turning into that monster again. This HAS got to stop. When I read my friends' blogs and they swing towards the tired, unhappy mode, I tend to think: wow, I didn't know life was that tough for them. Why didn't they tell me? I would've been there...then again, maybe it's the same reason why I don't tell. I hate being a burden. When you ask someone for help, it's usually when you're desperate and most of the time, it's too late by then. I hate being irritating and this burden on others. I really do. It's what I told min, if i ever call you and ask you to go out and meet me now, like immediately, it isn't good. That's my last source of help-I ask when there's no other way out. FOOLISHNESS/STUPIDITY.-Same old, same old. If you read this and think, oh-oh. Did I do anything to create this psycho-suicidal nutcase? Relax. *I hate that word by the way.* 1) I'm not suicidal, just need someone to talk to and let it all out. 2) It's the I-got-out-on-the-wrong-side-of-bed persona talking now. Ignore me. Then again, Iago said: I am not what I am. I know, i'm a bundle of contradictions. Bite me. FAREWELL.-For now. I hate you by the way, and you you you you and you. I'm just really frustrated with the world right now. Citizens, this is the malcontent speaking. Late nights and insufficient studying have created this peanut pancake. Give only hugs and good words for now. Too much sugar is bad. p.s: I am not depressed. Just tired and upset with myself-the whole feeling of inadequacy.p.p.s: this post is not targeted at anybody in particular. In fact, it's not directed to anyone at all. I'm just hurting inside and it's late so i'm not putting this into my diary yet. p.p.p.s: stupidity is a disease. beware: don't catch it from me. ~and then I cry myself to sleep...~
