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Friday, March 24, 2006

this is the story of a girl...

"Strange planet and strange people on it.
They yield to time, but they don't want to recognize time. They have their ways of expressing resistance."~Wislawa Syzmborska

don't we all wish to defy time? make it go faster when we are miserable or eager to see our futures; make it slow down when there's too much fun and linger on in the moment of utter bliss?

life is always full of surprises, good & bad...

"Such certainty is beautiful but uncertainty is more beautiful still."~Wislawa Syzmborska

i try to believe in that but more often than not, i fail...when we're thrown into new situations, it's as if we are people who have been kept in the cave for years. suddenly thrust into the light, we thrash around blindly, hoping to get a glimpse of what to expect but not too much to hurt us...

"You lie on last year's grass bathed in sunlight to the chin while winds of summers past caress you hair and seem to lead you in a dance.For further details, write: "Dream"."

i love to dream and right now...i feel like i'm in one except this time, there are no scary monsters or utopian societies; what's frightening is that i'm stuffed in a box full of characters and all of them will never notice me or forge bonds with me unless i make the 1st move. i'm tired. when i try, something fumbles and i start from the corner of the box again. when i don't, i'm pushed into that stifling corner. don't get me wrong. it's spacious, roomy even. yet, there's too much space, so much so that its silence stifles me.

LOST:that's what i am

i've tried scrambling about, lifting myself out; all that greets me is rejection or superficial civility. i'm tired from those years of lifting others out. someone come, i'm waiting for you to lift me out and up.

MISSING: a sense of security

this has never happened before. ever. why now, why not 10 years down the road? all i want is success, a smooth as possible path, winning,scoring...be a winner. i don't like losing..i've maintained a "never say no" attitude but it's becoming increasingly hard. i want it all yet i don't want anything. i'm a bundle of conflicts all wrapped up:looking harmless,even calm on the outside, waiting to spring up and unravel all those coils of unrest.

"say it isn't so..."

saying goodbye is never easy, especially when you love the person. if you can be mine, take my hand and let's walk down that path of memories, laughing at those insecure,petty moments; catch me when i'm crashing in the sea, like those shooting stars,burning up yet hoping to provide beauty to this already beautiful world.

"did you miss me when you were looking for yourself out there?"

if we're not meant to be, take my hand but be a true friend. there is no room for hypocrites. say what you mean but be kind, don't ever come back again once you have done so. we had fun didn't we? so why can't there be a grey area now? mutual friends? not everything has to be black and white, there is space for negotiation. but no one seems to want this. all there is is love and hate. yet love is the cause of hate and hate, a subset of love.

Every beginning is only a sequel, after all,and the book of events is always open halfway through.

quirks at work blogged @ 7:39 pm